if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize