Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
