u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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