Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
