addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
