well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
