he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
