Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
