I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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