Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
