pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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