I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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