I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
