By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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