Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
