i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
