A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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