I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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