C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
