I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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