Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
