Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
