You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
