i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
