HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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