Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize