There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
