is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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