We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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