Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
