So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
