I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
