We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize