Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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