you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
