Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
