so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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