She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
