Don't you send me to vm
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
