I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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