how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
