Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize