did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
