Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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