i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
