STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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