Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
