those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
