So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
