Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
