imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
