forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
