I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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