areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
