I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
