She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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