I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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