..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
