I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
