I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
