i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
