New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
